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“做你自己！”在面試、約會前或是其他需要給人以深刻印象的場合，我們常常聽到這一司空見慣的忠告。不過，這個忠告聽起來怪怪的。你怎么能不是你自己呢？ 雖然聽起來有點怪，但我們一生的確受制于各種約束，按照他人的期望行事，隨著他人的節(jié)奏起舞，任由他人在幕后操縱。事實上，我們大多數(shù)的人都是傀儡，受周圍世界的操控——除非我們真正認真思考過這個問題，并嘗試去改變。我們渴望社會認可。我們需要融入社會。從很大程度上說，這正是人類的特性——我們是社會性的動物，需要融入群體才能生存下去。但這種自然、健康的特性卻牢牢控制了我們的生活，以至于我們時時誠惶誠恐，害怕面對外部的世界，為別人對自己的看法而煩惱不已。 但假如我們真的能夠“做自己”，事情又會怎樣呢？      如果你總是為他人如何看待你而煩惱不已，那就不可能真正做自己。我們都在乎(至少有一點點)他人的看法——從小到大，我們都被灌輸這樣的信條：他人的認可非常重要。在某些方面確實如此——他人對我們的確有影響力。但事實是，這影響力并不像你想的那么重要；通常情況下它根本無關緊要。有時你可能是紅極一時的寵兒，有時又可能成為千夫所指的公敵。但既然你無法控制別人對你的看法，又何必在乎呢？ 別人愛怎么想就怎么想吧。過于看重他人的意見和想法只會把自己的生活搞得一團糟。當你不再放棄自己的力量而倚重他人，你就能生活得更加輕松、自在。 ——鮑里斯·帕斯特納克 正直地生活就是要做一個開朗、誠實的人。這就意味著要說出自己真正想說的話——這不是要你目中無人、傲慢自負，這樣通常只能表明自己具有自卑情結——而是因為你不應該隱藏自己的真正想法。如果你對自己都不真誠——如果你不誠實，或者部分地隱藏自己，無論是作為一種自衛(wèi)方式，還是為了得到升職或是得到金錢——你都會將自己帶入某種所謂的“內(nèi)心的黑暗”，而這種黑暗會像幽靈般對你糾纏不休。 也許，憑借自欺欺人、口是心非，你可以獲得某種意義上的成功，但你最終將無法面對自己。如果你不能問心無愧地面對鏡中的自己，又怎么能做真實的自己呢？  你把事情辦砸，世界就會因此停止運轉嗎？信不信由你，這個世界沒有你也已經(jīng)順利地運轉億萬年了，而且在你消失之后還將依然如此。因此，凡事都要放眼長遠。在一年、十年或是一百年之后，所有這些煩惱還有意義嗎？在很多方面，這個世界荒誕無稽，充滿瘋狂可笑、毫無意義之事，無論你如何努力都無法賦予它任何意義。世界原本如此，你也一樣——總是有你的矛盾、缺點和失敗。記住這句老話吧：“笑對世界，世界便會同你一起歡笑。”所以，放松自己，輕松面對吧；不要小題大做，自尋煩惱。 ——佛陀 我們往往傾向于認為我們控制著一切。但事實上我們可以直接影響的事物少之又少。最近我在某本書里讀到這樣一句話，“生活不是要躲避風雨，而是要學會在雨中起舞”，我覺得這真是句至理明言。我們花了那么多時間想要改變這個世界，但事實上我們只能改變自己。天要下雨就讓它下吧；太陽要落就讓它落吧。我們無法控制的事物何其之多，學會接受它們吧。無論遇到什么事情，要學會忍受它，不僅如此，還要學著接受它，喜愛它——換成其他任何方式都是愚蠢的。 最后，或許也是最重要的一點，不要讓他人告訴你該做什么，該如何生活。你有什么樣的生活經(jīng)歷，最終要由你自己來負責。如果你不能追隨自己的夢想，那么你能夠責備的只有自己。俗話說，“人終有一死”，因此何必為擔憂或是遺憾而浪費時間呢？不要做傀儡——不要讓周圍的世界操控你。你無法控制世界，那也不要讓世界控制你。如果你能夠忠實于自己，正直地生活，誠實無畏，也許，你就能看到那個最令人困惑的問題的答案：“我是誰？”
“Be yourself!” This is a common piece of advice, often given before an interview or a date or some other occasion when we need to impress. Sounds like a strange piece of advice, though. How could you not be yourself? Strange as it seems, we have been conditioned all our lives to behave according to other people’s expectations, to dance to their tune, to let them pull our strings2). The truth is that most of us—unless we have really thought about it and made an effort to change—are puppets, controlled by the world around us. We crave3) approval. We need to fit in. In many ways, this is just a characteristic of being human—we are social animals and need to fit into the group to survive. But this natural and healthy tendency has taken over our lives to such an extent that we are often paralyzed4) by a fear of the outside world and obsessed by how others see us. But what would things look life if you could really “be yourself”? It is impossible to really be yourself when you are worried about how other people perceive you. We all care (at least a little bit) what other people think—we have been raised to believe that the approval of others is important. And in some ways it is—other people do have power over us. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter as much as you think; usually it doesn’t matter at all. Sometimes you’ll be flavor5) of the month; other times you might be public enemy number one. But you cannot control what other people think of you, so why even try? Let them think what they will. To give the opinions and thoughts of others so much importance is to make your own life a misery. When you stop giving your power away to other people like this, your life will be so much lighter and easier. Living with integrity means being an open, honest person. It means saying what you think, not in an arrogant, conceited way, which is usually a sign of an inferiority complex9), but because you shouldn’t hide what you believe. If you are not true to yourself—if you are dishonest, if you hide part of yourself, either as a defense mechanism or to get a promotion or make money, you will create what I have heard called an “inner darkness”, and this will haunt10) you. You might be able to succeed in some senses by being dishonest and duplicitous, but in the end you will be unable to face yourself, and if you cannot look in the mirror with a clear conscience, how can you be yourself? Will the world stop turning if you screw up11)? Believe it or not, the world got along fine without you for millions of years, and will do so long after you’re gone. So keep things in perspective. Will any of this matter in a year, ten year, 100 years? In many ways, the world is a ridiculous place, full of crazy things that make no sense at all. You can’t make sense of it all however hard you try. It is what it is, and so are you, with all your contradictions and faults and failings. Remember the old saying: ‘Laugh and the world laughs with you.’ So relax, lighten up; don’t get things out of proportion. We have a tendency to think we are in control. But the truth is that there are surprisingly few things we can influence directly. I read somewhere recently that life is no about avoiding the storm but about learning to dance in the rain, and I think this is a wonderful truth. We spend so much time trying to change our world, but in reality we can only change ourselves. If the rain is coming, it will come; if the sun is setting, it will set. Accept these many, many things which are outside our control and, whatever comes along, learn not only to live with it, but to embrace it, to love it—to live any other way is madness. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, don’t let other people tell you what to do and how to live. In the end, you are responsible for your experience of life, and if you don’t follow your dreams, you only have yourself to blame. “You’re a long time dead” as the saying goes, so don’t waste time with worry or regret. Don’t be a puppet—don’t let the world around you pull your strings. You cannot control it, so don’t let it control you either. If you are true to yourself and live with integrity, honesty and without fear, then you will, perhaps, begin to see the answer to that most perplexing of questions: “Who am I?” 1. whittle vt. 削制，削成 2. pull the strings：在幕后操縱 3. crave vt. 渴望；急需 4. paralyze vt. 使癱瘓；使不能活動 5. flavor n. 香味；風韻 6. integrity n. 誠實 7. duplicity n. 口是心非；表里不一 8. grovel vi. 低聲下氣，卑躬屈膝 9. inferiority complex：自卑感 10. haunt vt. 困擾；時常縈繞心頭 11. screw up：<俚> 把(事情)弄糟 >>選自《新東方英語》，原文標題是“Why Is It So Hard to Be Yourself?”，作者Michael Miles，辛獻云譯。點擊下方“閱讀原文”了解更多詳情。 |
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來自： 昵稱29273511 > 《待分類1》
